Good morning, y’all. I’m sitting here as the sun rises, watching as my latest video gets downvoted in real time by jerks who support Donald Trump. Most of the extreme Trumpers have quit commenting on my videos, because when they leave egregiously abusive comments, they automatically get hidden and deleted. So now they just hit the thumbs down button, which I guess is okay… but I do wish they’d just go somewhere else. Downvoting something that took me hours to create is just lame. I’ve already voted, and I’m the only one who sees the downvotes. I’m not going to stop making videos just because Trump voters don’t approve of them. Maybe I should consider them a badge of honor… they were triggered enough to hit the video and downvote it.
Unfortunately, we’re in the most divisive era of my life. I just spent several minutes reading comments on New York Times ethics column in which a person more or less asked if she would be the asshole if she boycotted a business she’d been regularly patronizing due to becoming aware of the owner’s political leanings, which were in opposition to her own. I agree with what the ethicist wrote, which was that the letter writer would not be the asshole, especially since the business owner had a longstanding rule that there would be no talk of politics in their establishment. The owners then broke their own rule by hanging a pro Trump flag. So, they were promoting a double standard. I’ve stopped patronizing businesses for lesser reasons.
A person should always feel free to vote with their wallets. Just like I can’t stop Trump supporters from downvoting my videos, Trump supporters can’t stop people from thinking they’re terrible people for supporting a man who openly supports fascism and speaks of using the military to keep American citizens in line (among other horrible things). Of course, most people don’t bother reading articles before they comment. Such was the case this morning. Once again, I was watching total strangers arguing over politics. While I can understand why some conservatives find liberals condescending and annoying, I can also see why some liberals think conservatives are uninformed, narrow-minded, and selfish.
In spite of what some people might think about me, I don’t consider myself to be either conservative or liberal. There are some conservative ideas that I absolutely agree with, and others that I think are shortsighted and wrong. And the opposite is also true. I like some liberal concepts, and disagree with others.
I mostly just want to be free to make my own decisions and not have to worry about being led by a dictator who has no moral compass. I am EXTREME when it comes to my disdain for the MAGA movement. But I don’t hate all conservative ideas. I have a feeling my personal politics are not all that rare. It’s just that right now, everything seems to be very extreme. If you aren’t voting for Trump, you’re automatically a “commie”. If you are voting for Trump, you’re automatically a “fascist”. There doesn’t seem to be a political middle road, even though a lot of people would prefer it. Sometimes, that kind of extremism leads to unforeseen consequences for innocent people.
Right now, I lean more toward liberalism, because the alternative is the Trump movement. I think Trump is a complete disaster of a human being, and I don’t want him or his policies running any part of my life. There are a lot of well-meaning people voting for Trump over private issues like parental consent laws, abortion, and healthcare of minors. I’ve noticed that a lot of these people think they’re doing good by promoting laws that restrict the rights of minors to have privacy, especially when it comes to their healthcare.
And that brings me to today’s topic… extremism, and an astonishing story that I read yesterday in the Washington Post. Here’s a link that temporarily allows my readers to access the story without a paywall. This story shows how a law that seems like it would be a “no brainer” can lead to huge issues that can be tragic or disastrous.
The Washington Post article I shared is about a 13 year old Idaho girl named Aleah who was 36 weeks pregnant and experiencing contractions. Aleah was new in town. Her grandmother’s sister, Anna Karren, had brought the girl to the hospital because Aleah thought she was in labor. The doctor who saw Aleah would have ordinarily done a pelvic exam to determine if her patient was in labor. But, because Aleah was only 13 years old, the doctor couldn’t proceed the way she normally would. She had to call the hospital’s lawyers first.
Aleah’s great aunt was not her legal guardian. That role belonged to her grandmother, who was then incarcerated on drug charges. Aleah’s mother lives in her car. Her father is long out of the picture. She had only just started living with her great aunt, a woman she’d never met before, because an aunt she was living with was being threatened with eviction. The girl’s young life had been spent in a series of foster homes and halfway houses… and her then unborn daughter’s teenaged father is currently in a juvenile detention center.
What ended up happening is that the hospital staff finally got ahold of Aleah’s grandmother, who gave permission for Aleah’s care, and for the baby’s care, too. However, grandma didn’t even have the right to grant permission for the unborn baby’s care… that right belonged solely to 13 year old Aleah, who is the baby’s mother! How completely fucked up is that?
Idaho, like a lot of red states, has a law that is supposed to “protect” teenagers from being influenced by other adults. Many conservative voters don’t like the idea of a doctor or counselor protecting their minor child’s privacy. They think parents have the right to know everything, even when a child is pregnant, dealing with personal issues that they don’t feel comfortable discussing with a parent, or in an abusive situation. So now they are championing laws, such as the Parental Rights in Medical Decision-Making Act, that might be fine if a minor child comes from a family in which the parents are present, caring, and actually involved in their children’s lives. Below is a screenshot with a statement as to why this law was made:
The trouble is, not everyone comes from a family like that, and when teenagers have medical issues that need to be addressed, and they can’t access care on their own, they can end up in terrifying situations like Aleah’s. People who can help them have their hands tied, which can lead to delays in care that can be crucial. The laws are supposed to include provisions for medical emergencies, but just as many doctors in red states are now reluctant to help pregnant women in crisis if they aren’t “sick enough”, doctors in Idaho are leery of helping minors who may not be in a dire enough medical condition to warrant them offering emergency care without explicit parental or guardian consent.
Aleah’s daughter, Oaklie Rayne, was born on September 9th of this year. Anna Karren became Aleah’s legal guardian on October 1st. Aleah makes all of the decisions about the baby’s care, but Karren makes all decisions about Aleah’s healthcare. That just seems crazy to me. I don’t think the legislators thought this law through, and now we’re seeing the end results of that kind of narrow, uneducated thinking that put minors at risk. Little Oaklie has started her life at a distinct disadvantage. I hope she won’t make the choices her mother has made.
I think the saddest part of Aleah’s story was at the end, in which Karren described the way Aleah takes care of her newborn baby. Aleah is one of six siblings, and apparently, she learned how to change diapers when she was a toddler!
Aleah has not gone to school since the spring, when she was in the seventh grade, though the plan is for her to enroll soon in online classes. For now, she’s mainly at home, adjusting to motherhood. Aleah and Oaklie share a room with Karren’s 12-year-old daughter, and that is where the pair spend most of their time.
She is nurturing and natural, Karren said. Aleah attributes it to learning how to change diapers as a toddler.
“It’s pretty much just like taking care of my siblings, except 24-7,” she said. And, she added, “I like being in charge.”
At least it sounds like Aleah is a pretty good mother, even though at age 13, she’s already made some decisions that will make it harder for her to launch into a healthy adulthood. She’s in no way ready for the responsibility of motherhood. Red states like Idaho want to foist this responsibility on Aleah, and girls like her. These girls might be able to prevent pregnancy if they could get contraception and straight talk about how babies are made. But lawmakers don’t even want to allow for that– they don’t want youngsters who are capable of getting pregnant to know how it happens, how to prevent it, and where to get and how to use contraception. So we wind up with 13 year olds raising their own babies, not finishing school, and being trapped in poverty. They then typically become burdens to taxpayers. I truly hope that Aleah will, at least, avoid having sex again until she’s much older… or, at least, invest in birth control. I’m sure her guardian will approve of that measure.
See… it’s shortsighted, narrow perspective policies like this that make me not want to vote for conservatives. I get the idea that parents want to be informed of what their minor children are doing. I can understand why they might not want their kids getting medical care that they aren’t privy to, especially since the parents will have to pay the bills for it. BUT… I also know from my background in public health social work that there are a lot of young people in living situations that make the laws trying to legislate that level of parental control problematic. I also know that young people have DIED because they couldn’t get the vital healthcare they needed due to parental consent laws. Some kids come from homes with abusive parents who think their children are their property and treat them accordingly.
Lots of Trump supporters think parents should have full say over their children until they’re 18 years old– and in some cases, even beyond that age. And a lot of those people are good folks who genuinely love their children and want to do right by them. In my experience, they don’t think beyond their own situations and realize why it’s not a good idea to make sweeping and extreme laws based only on what their own families are like. The Washington Post article I linked also provides other examples, not involving teen pregnancy, of why Idaho’s Parental Rights in Medical Decision-Making Act has been a terrible, shortsighted, and ultimately harmful law for some.
At the beginning of this post, I wrote about watching Trump supporters arguing with Harris supporters in an article by The Ethicist. A Trump supporter was trying to make the case for why Trump was the better choice for president. When a more liberal leaning person took issue with that, he very quickly devolved to accusing her of having Trump Derangement Syndrome. That kind of talk isn’t helpful or productive. As I mentioned earlier, I can understand liking conservative policies. I cannot understand supporting a fascist, especially one who seems to be exhibiting some very concerning symptoms of actual dementia. People have spoken of Joe Biden having dementia, but I have yet to see Biden do what Trump’s been doing lately…
- Dancing at a “town hall” for 40 minutes after answering four questions.
- Talking about the late golfer Arnold Palmer’s penis.
- Rambling, non-sensical speeches about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter.
- Falling asleep during his own criminal court proceedings.
- Working at McDonald’s for five minutes in a staged publicity stunt.
- Speaking about using the military to handle “enemies from within.”
- Referring to January 6, 2021 as a “day of love”.
- Talking about “one rough hour” or a “violent day” to deal with the people he deems as “criminals”.
- Refusing to admit that he is involved with Project 2025, even though his name is mentioned over 300 times in the document.
- “Concepts of plans.”
- The obvious decline in his ability to speak clearly and coherently since 2015.
- The fact that his presidency was a constant circus, and so many of the people who worked with him no longer support him.
- The fact that he has a strong family history of dementia and he won’t release his medical records.
You see, these are reasons enough for me to support Kamala Harris, even if I hated all of her policies (which I don’t). I don’t have TDS because I see the obvious problems with Trump being the president again. Another big issue is JD Vance, who is younger and cognitively more “with it”, but promotes scary, extreme ideas, that don’t work for a huge segment of the US population.
In my opinion, any sane or decent person would prefer Harris, simply because she’s not crazy, nor is she a literal felon. And Kamala Harris understands why sometimes women need to be able to have abortions. She understands why sometimes teenagers need to be able to speak to a trusted adult who isn’t their parent. She doesn’t have a problem releasing her medical records. She doesn’t talk about other people’s sexual parts, ramble about fictional characters, talk about rounding up people and putting them in camps, or have an obsession with The Village People. Oh… and she also actually worked at McDonald’s when she was a young person. Trump has never worked anywhere but for his Daddy. You’d think working class conservatives would appreciate that Kamala Harris was a normal person before she became Vice President. Trump has never been normal on any level!
So… at this point, I think Harris supporters are the sane ones. In this election, they are the ones who are voting properly and avoiding extremism. Conservatives need to get rid of Donald Trump and the extremists who are riding his coattails. Until that happens, the divisiveness will continue, and a lot of the “lefties” will continue to think poorly of them, even if they’re not “bad” people per se. When you vote for Trump, you are foisting true harm on other Americans, and really, the entire world. Just my opinion, of course… and I know that that, and a nickel, will get you nowhere.
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Featured photo is in the public domain.
Yesterday was an interesting day. After I wrote my too long and too opinionated review of Jamie Lynn Spears’ book, Things I Should Have Said, I waited all day for the Amazon guy to show up with my latest toys. I bought an Amazon Echo Dot for my bedroom, as well as a couple of “smart” power strips that I can’t figure out how to configure. I was inspired to make that purchase because Bill bought me an Echo Dot for my office. I don’t really need one for either place, since I have so many other devices, to include my big desktop iMac computer that is outfitted with Siri. But they are nice to have… and it’s kind of fun when Alexa gives me a notification that turns its ring yellow. Makes me think of all the 70s era space travel shows I missed when I was a kid.
While I was waiting for my delivery, I noticed some exciting news coming out of South Carolina, the state where I spent three years earning my “overeducated housewife” status. The South Carolina Supreme Court ruled that the six week abortion law is unconstitutional. The law has been struck down, as the majority of the five justices determined “that the law that restricted abortions after detectable fetal cardiac activity [is] ‘an unreasonable restriction upon a woman’s right to privacy’.” Thanks to the 3-2 decision, abortion is now, once again, legal in South Carolina until 20 weeks gestation. This ruling comes almost two years after current South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster signed into law the Fetal Heartbeat and Protection from Abortion Act. That law made abortion illegal after six weeks of pregnancy, except in limited situations such as pregnancies that would endanger the pregnant person’s life or were caused by rape or incest.
I was heartened to read the comments by Justice Kaye G. Hearn, who wrote the opinion of the majority. She stated, “Few decisions in life are more private than the decision whether to terminate a pregnancy. Our privacy right must be implicated by restrictions on that decision.”
Naturally, some people were rattled by Justice Hearn’s statement. I noticed the ones who were quoted in the Washington Post article link I unlocked were all MEN. Governor McMaster tweeted, “Our State Supreme Court has found a right in our Constitution which was never intended by the people of South Carolina. With this opinion, the Court has clearly exceeded its authority. The people have spoken through their elected representatives multiple times on this issue.”
McMaster added that he “look[s] forward to working with the General Assembly to correct this error.”
I find McMaster’s wording very intriguing. He wrote, “Our State Supreme Court has found a ‘right’ in our Constitution…” That’s right, Henry. It is a RIGHT. I lived in South Carolina and worked in maternal and child health and healthcare policy there. I know about South Carolina’s moronic and ineffective approach to preventing unintended pregnancies… Just tell the girls to abstain.
Well, it’s not their public health approach, really. I found the public health folks working at the Department of Health and Environmental Control to be quite intelligent and informed on the issue, including why it’s important that women have access to abortion healthcare. It’s the right wing MALE legislators who have their heads firmly lodged in their asses. These same folks have no desire whatsoever to do anything to help people who find themselves unintentionally pregnant. They don’t give a damn about making sure those babies are born healthy to people who are prepared to raise them. It’s all about fear and shame, and telling women to keep their mouths closed and their legs crossed. Ridiculous… and completely unrealistic.
I don’t see how McMaster’s comments square with what happened to our federal rights to have abortions. For fifty years, women all across America had that right, and it was unceremoniously taken away from us by Trump’s trio of pro-life “activist judges”. Now, McHenry is accusing his own state’s Supreme Court judges of “exceeding their authority”, simply because he doesn’t agree with their interpretation of South Carolina’s Constitutional law. They were doing their jobs, Henry. You should do yours, and work for the betterment of ALL South Carolinians, not just your hyper-male, conservative, Republican buddies. 😉
The other quote in the article comes from another Republican male, Jeff Duncan, who says he’s “extremely disappointed” with the decision made by “activist judges” in South Carolina. Sounds to me like these judges are compassionate, Jeff. Do you have the same level of compassion for women who, for whatever personal, private reason, do not wish to be pregnant? Do you value the right to privacy for all people? Why should a woman who finds herself unintentionally pregnant have to justify terminating her pregnancy to ANYONE? It’s her BODY, Jeff; not yours. You will never face this choice. You will never have to deal with the multitude of changes that happen when someone gets pregnant. So kindly develop some compassion for the already born, and do what you can to make life better for them. Maybe then, your constituents might not feel like they need to have an abortion for reasons you don’t deem “acceptable”.
It seems to me that people who don’t like abortion should simply not have one. They should not lobby to take that right away from other people. Developing embryos and fetuses don’t have a concept of abortion, nor do they experience pain until quite late in pregnancy, beyond when the vast majority of people would consider having an abortion. And those who do, almost universally do so because the alternative to having one would be much worse.
Even MAGA idiot Donald Trump has recently opined about the foolishness of being extreme about taking away women’s abortion rights. He was recently complaining about the Republicans’ poor showing during the midterms. He said on his very own Truth Social:
“It wasn’t my fault that the Republicans didn’t live up to expectations in the midterms.” Then he added, “It was the ‘abortion issue’, poorly handled by many Republicans, especially those that firmly insisted on no exceptions, even in the case of rape, incest, or life of the mother, that lost large numbers of voters.” Then he finished with, “Also, the people that pushed so hard, for decades, against abortion, got their wish from the U.S. Supreme Court, & just plain disappeared, not to be seen again.”
Those comments are now prompting anti-abortion groups to fire back, and indeed, a bunch of Trump’s former supporters are turning on him. I guess they’re finally seeing what some of us have noticed all along. But, in this case, Trump is actually right. A lot of people in the United States are legitimately angry about abortion rights being taken away. And many of the pissed off among us are women who would ordinarily vote Republican. Those women, many of whom are business people whose livelihoods could be adversely affected by unintended pregnancies, don’t want to be forced back into the kitchen. Quite a few of the rest of them are, like I am, disgusted by the idea that they would have to explain to anyone why they want or need to have an abortion. It’s, quite frankly, no one else’s business, no matter what the reason is. And basic privacy is, if not a right, an expectation, especially when it comes to healthcare. Abortion is healthcare for the already born women who need it, even if it’s not for the developing embryos or fetuses who have the potential to be born.
I, for one, am so ready for this issue to be settled, once and for all. This constant back and forth ping ponging about abortion is ridiculous, and it’s preventing actual work from being done to help the rank and file already born people who are actually struggling to survive. When a person is having trouble paying their bills, the last thing they want to be is unexpectedly pregnant, especially when they live in a state that is notoriously stingy about funding social welfare programs. And I am SO SICK of MEN inserting themselves in this issue, especially since a lot of them don’t even know the first thing about pregnancy or even female anatomy. They just want control over women. It’s plain and simple. Of course, some of the idiot Republican males who are claiming to be “disappointed” about this decision would not hesitate to provide access to and pay for abortions for their knocked up daughters or mistresses, would they?
Moving on…
It was totally random that I reviewed Jamie Lynn Spears’ book yesterday, and she is now participating in a new Fox reality show called Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test. I heard about the show yesterday, which also includes actress Beverley Mitchell, gymnast Nastia Liukin, Kate Gosselin (who has already washed out), and Dr. Drew Pinsky (also already eliminated). The first two episodes dropped on Wednesday, so I downloaded them yesterday and watched. I have to say, I found the show kind of boring and hokey. But… the cast mix is kind of interesting, given that it’s a mix of a lot of different kinds of people, to include reality TV stars, Olympic athletes, and actresses. I’ll probably watch the whole series and groan the whole time.
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I don’t remember why I decided to download Jamie Lynn Spears’ book, Things I Should Have Said. I am a little too old to appreciate music by Jamie Lynn’s famous older sister, Britney Spears, whose pop music career was flourishing during Jamie Lynn’s childhood. I am definitely too old to appreciate Jamie Lynn’s turn as an actress on the Nickelodeon shows, All That and Zoey 101.
Amazon.com tells me that Jamie Lynn’s book was published January 18, 2022, and I bought it two days later. It was probably because a year ago, the Internet was all abuzz about Britney Spears, as she was engaged in a legal battle to end a conservatorship that their father, Jamie Spears, had arranged after Britney had some very public mental health meltdowns in 2008. The conservatorship lasted thirteen years, during which many of Britney’s basic freedoms were severely curtailed, even as she was forced to work, and even had to pay the people who were oppressing her. I likely got caught up in the drama of all of that, even though I had long since moved on from it by the time I finally picked up and started reading Things I Should Have Said a few days ago.
Jamie Lynn Spears is the youngest child of Jamie and Lynne Spears. She writes that she was an “oops” baby. Her father had supposedly had a vasectomy, but never went for a follow up check. Obviously, the procedure didn’t take, and he got Lynne pregnant in 1990. Jamie Lynn was born in McComb, Mississippi on April 4, 1991. She claims that even though she was an “oops” baby, she was cherished by her older brother, Bryan, and big sister, Britney. But then she made statements that seemed to refute the idea that she was cherished. Father James was a notorious alcoholic, and he would “take off” when things at home got too rough. Mother Lynne was very focused on Britney’s budding career as a pop music phenomenon. Jamie Lynn’s parents divorced in 2002, but both remained involved in her life.
As Jamie Lynn grew up, she bore a striking resemblance to her older sister and demonstrated acting talent. At the age of 13, she started going to California to work for Nickelodeon, first on All That, and then on her own series, Zoey 101. When she was at home in Kentwood, Louisiana, Jamie Lynn hung out with her friends and dated Casey Aldridge (called Casper in the book). The two had a sexual relationship, and at age sixteen, Jamie Lynn was pregnant, like a lot of teenagers in Deep South states. The difference between Jamie Lynn and the other teens was, Jamie Lynn was famous and had money. Her pregnancy was all over the news, with many people speculating that it was the reason her show on Nickelodeon ended. Jamie Lynn writes that, actually, the show had already ended by the time she got pregnant with her older daughter, Maddie Briann, who was born on June 19, 2008.
Jamie Lynn tried to make a relationship with “Casper” work, but it was impossible, as according to her, he was always running around, using drugs, and having sex with other people. Jamie Lynn threw herself into being a mother, buying her first home in Liberty, Mississippi when she was still a teenager. She felt she had to threaten her parents with filing for legal emancipation, as she wanted to make decisions for herself and her daughter. As she was trying to make things work with her “baby daddy”, she met her husband, Jamie Watson, who is ten years her senior. They dated on and off, until it became apparent that they would be a couple. Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn decided to take a stab at making music. She moved to Nashville and tried to learn the ropes of songwriting, playing guitar, and singing.
She released an EP, but then moved back to Louisiana, where she eventually married Jamie Watson in 2014. In 2017, Maddie was in a terrible ATV accident that almost killed her. After Maddie recovered, she asked Jamie Lynn to have another baby, a request that she and Jamie obliged. Jamie Lynn and Jamie now have a daughter named Ivey Joan, who was born in 2018. According to Jamie Lynn’s book, Jamie Watson plans to legally adopt Maddie, as they have a “special” relationship. When Jamie proposed to Jamie Lynn, he also proposed to Maddie, complete with a ring (BARF).
My thoughts
I’m not super impressed by Things I Should Have Said. I don’t think it’s particularly well written. Jamie Lynn has a habit of using big words that aren’t quite appropriate for what she’s trying to convey. The end result is a bit contrived and stilted, rather than engaging. I found myself rushing to get through the book, as I didn’t find her story that interesting. It probably could have been interesting, had she hired a ghost writer. Jamie Lynn Spears frequently reminds her readers that she’s very talented, as in she repeatedly states this in her manuscript. But I’m afraid writing with flair isn’t really one of Jamie Lynn’s gifts. The book isn’t terrible, but it’s not definitely not among the best memoirs I’ve ever read. She’s no Paulina Porizkova. 😉
Anyone looking for dishing about Britney Spears would probably do well to skip this book, as Jamie Lynn doesn’t reveal that much about her sister. She keeps her comments about Britney mostly respectful and loving, and offers a few even-keeled insights about Britney’s controversy, reminding readers that she’s in a position to see what’s going on for herself, rather than speculating about it due to media reports. One of the issues that came up regarding Jamie Lynn and Britney was about Britney’s allegedly erratic behavior that involved Britney threatening her sister with a knife. Jamie Lynn also mentions that she had to enforce boundaries with Britney during the height of the COVID pandemic. But she doesn’t offer a lot of commentary about Britney’s situation; the book really is mostly about Jamie Lynn and her career.
In some ways, I felt some compassion for Jamie Lynn. I’m the youngest in my family, and I was also an “oops” baby, with sisters who are 8, 11, and 13 years older than I am. I know how it feels to be in that position. I also had an alcoholic father, although my dad wasn’t one to “take off” at random intervals. I do feel like her stabs at entering what she calls the “family business” were kind of half-hearted, as most of the energy her parents expended toward developing their daughters’ show biz careers went to Britney.
Jamie Lynn spent three years acting on Nickelodeon, then got pregnant… then she made a stab at music, which netted an EP. It pales compared to what Britney has done, and I would imagine that causes Jamie Lynn some angst. She also writes that her parents were pretty strict and religious, yet Jamie Lynn still managed to get “knocked up” as a teenager. She writes that having Maddie at age seventeen “saved” her from becoming a dysfunctional actress, succumbing to the issues that performers deal with, like drug abuse, eating disorders, and other mental health problems. It seems to me that there are other ways to avoid such a fate, rather than becoming a teen mom. I don’t think that’s a route I would recommend, even though Jamie Lynn at least had the financial ability to take care of her daughter, even if she really wasn’t mature enough.
I’m not sure what Jamie Lynn plans for her future, but for now, she is Mrs. Jamie Watson, mother of two. I’m hoping that she keeps an eye on Maddie, because Maddie has some pretty strong genetic ties to dysfunction. Her grandfather, Jamie, and her biological father, Casey, both have drug and alcohol issues. Her Aunt Britney also has well-publicized mental health issues. Maddie will be fifteen on her next birthday, which is prime time for her to act like a teenager. I just hope she doesn’t end up in the same situation Jamie Lynn was in when she was sixteen.
I also didn’t get the best impressions of Jamie Watson… sorry to say. Obviously, I don’t know the man personally, and it doesn’t matter what my opinions of him are. I’m not the one who is his wife or the mother of his child. But I did feel moved enough to save a couple of quotes from Jamie Lynn’s book that I shared with friends…
Those who have been following my blog for awhile might remember a few years ago, when I wrote about how I don’t approve of the trend of potential stepfathers “proposing” to their stepdaughters. At the time I wrote that post, NASCAR driver Brian Scott was in the news for “marrying” his now wife, Whitney’s three year old daughter, Brielle, biological daughter of fellow NASCAR driver, Sean Caisse.
I wrote about why I really don’t think those kinds of proposals are a good idea. My reason is mainly because those kinds of displays are usually more for the adults than the children, especially the ones who are very young and don’t know what’s going on, as Brielle was at the time. I also know that, unfortunately, divorce is pretty common in remarriages, particularly when stepchildren are involved. Presenting a little girl with a ring and offering to “marry” her too, seems like a sweet gesture, but it can end up being very hurtful if there is a divorce. Moreover, I just don’t think it’s appropriate, as marriage is a very different relationship than a parental relationship is. I’m much more impressed with stepfathers who simply love and care for their stepchildren, rather than trying to replace their biological parents, even if that is what later happens in the relationship.
I got a couple of nasty comments on that piece, as Sean Caisse had some trouble with the law and wound up incarcerated. One reader who cowardly called herself “BlogWastedMyTime” declared my article “crap”, and very rudely pointed out that Caisse had been arrested, accusing me of not “doing my research”. Below was the exchange, which I remember posting as I waited for a flight from Vienna to Stuttgart.
There was another comment from a guy who had two ex wives, and felt I was being too “negative” about people who “marry” their stepchildren. I told him that I was only sharing my opinion on my blog, and I was sorry he didn’t like my opinions, as I matter of factly explained that he joins a long list of people who don’t like my opinions. Deal with it. Anyway, my thoughts on this didn’t evolve in a vacuum. I have what I think are good reasons for feeling the way I do.
As regular readers might know, my husband was married to a woman who asked him to be the “daddy” to her son from her first marriage, which he was happy to do for as long as he was still in Ex’s favor. Bill went as far as giving the boy his last name– or really, Ex claimed it and Bill didn’t argue with her about it– and paying $850 a month in child support for him until he was 21 fucking years old. For that effort, the young man tried to change his name in secret as he still took Bill’s financial support– he didn’t even tell Bill about changing his name, as he continued to call him “Dad”.
And when Bill confronted his former stepson about this, he was chastised… as if a “dad” shouldn’t know what his “son’s” legal last name was, even as said “son” was claiming to be Bill’s next of kin. Now, he doesn’t speak to Bill at all, although he might be talking to his bio dad, who didn’t pay any child support after Bill came into the picture. Ex got them back together as a means of being spiteful to Bill. Bill didn’t mind, by the way, as the boy never should have lost access to his real dad, or his real dad’s financial support. And now he knows that Ex lied about #1, anyway.
When Bill and Ex divorced, Ex did the same thing to Bill that she did to #1, and tried to erase his presence in his daughters’ lives. She made them call #3 “Dad”, and forced them to write letters disowning Bill. Then, when younger daughter turned 18, she pressured them into getting their names legally changed to #3’s last name. Younger daughter has since told us how distressing it was for her growing up, not to be able to have a relationship with her real father, especially since it’s very clear that #3 doesn’t care about her the way Bill does, and always has. To this day, even though she and Bill are now in touch and talk regularly, Ex still tries to influence younger daughter away from having a relationship with Bill, who is younger daughter’s real dad in all senses of the word. We are grateful that she has good sense, and can think for herself about these things.
I do understand that not all situations are as extreme as Bill’s has been. From what Jamie Lynn writes, Casey Aldridge has not been a very involved father, although he did see Maddie occasionally and, when she had her near fatal ATV accident, he did visit her and pray for her. Jamie Lynn claims that Maddie wanted Jamie to adopt her, and she has tried to explain to her what that would mean. But I have my doubts that the idea was entirely Maddie’s, and given the dysfunction in the Spears family, I would be concerned about the permanence of Jamie Lynn’s marriage. That’s just my opinion, of course, and it’s based on what I’ve seen in my 50 years of life.
I know every situation is different, and it’s not my business, anyway. But yeah, I’m not a fan of the whole “marrying your stepchildren” trend. I think marriage proposals are for adults, and should be left to future love interests of the children, not to their stepfathers. Besides, there’s quite a double standard at play. Imagine if stepmothers started trying to “marry” their stepsons. Yikes! Or if stepfathers started giving their stepsons “engagement rings”.
Below are a few quotes from Jamie Lynn’s book about Jamie Watson’s adoption of Maddie…
Maddie started to talk about changing her last name to Watson. Her determination bordered on demand. We explained she didn’t understand the lengthy process of adoption and that changing her name meant that she would give up the name Aldridge for the rest of her life. She insisted she did in fact understand, and it was important to her that she share our name.
Spears, Jamie Lynn. Things I Should Have Said (p. 165). Worthy. Kindle Edition.
And…
We spoke several times with Casper, who at first felt like we were pushing him out of her life. Eventually I was able to convince him I was speaking for Maddie. She wanted to share our family name and feel connected to us. It took a few weeks for Casper to relent. After Maddie’s initial interviews with mediators, Casper felt, if not good, at least satisfied Maddie would be happier this way. The process took months and coincided with the arrival of Ivey Joan. We encouraged Casper to remain in all our lives. Sadly, as months passed, he found himself in legal trouble again and again, and he disappeared once more.
Spears, Jamie Lynn. Things I Should Have Said (pp. 166-167). Worthy. Kindle Edition.
I do think that sometimes, having a stepparent adopt a child really is the right thing to do, particularly if the other bio parent really is “gone” from the child’s life. If anything, being the legal parent makes it easier to make legal and medical decisions for the child in one’s care. I just don’t think the public declarations, especially at weddings, are necessarily a good idea. It does sound like Jamie Watson has been a good father figure to Maddie, and that’s commendable. I hope it stays that way, although even with a name change, Maddie is still going to be another man’s bio daughter. There is no changing that fact.
I’ve also seen people like Ex use the “sperm donor bio dad” stereotype in their parental alienation campaigns. I know for a fact that a lot of fathers are pushed out for convenience sake, or because their exes don’t want them in their lives anymore. It has little to do with the actual welfare of the children, and is really more about being vengeful and hateful to the other parent and trying to deny past mistakes. I can’t help it… dealing with Ex has given me very strong opinions on this issue. But, no matter what, I would totally cringe if I’d had children when Bill proposed to me, and Bill had presented them with rings, too. I don’t like that practice at all. What if the girl says “no” to the proposal? Will her wishes really matter? And what little girl doesn’t get excited when someone gives them a gift? So, that whole “stepdaughter wedding ring” gesture, to me, is just kind of hokey and inappropriate, especially when it’s done very publicly. Again– just my opinion.
Anyway… I don’t think reading Things I Should Have Said has made me more of a Jamie Lynn Spears fan. I’ve certainly read worse books, but this one could have been much better than it is. I see that it gets 3.5 stars on Amazon. I think I’d give it three stars, and recommend it to Jamie Lynn’s fans, who will likely enjoy it more than I did. Now, I’m happy to have moved on to my next book, by Andre Leon Talley… It’s definitely more my speed. 😉
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